Why are there so many oompa loompas in real life?

Ladies... I'm concerned. I understand the enjoyment of having a nice tan, and I myself feel prettier when I'm browner. However, many of you have taken it too far and go tanning WAY too much. Let me tell you a non-secret... tan or brown is cute... orange is NOT. You look like oompa loompas when you go tanning too much, and your skin looks so leathery, it looks like your skin is 15 years older than you are.



As women, we are regularly given reasons to feel insecure... not feeling pretty enough, skinny enough, tan enough, etc. But don't choose death by tanning to feel prettier, because 1) It just shows you're insecure, 2) It's an unhealthy addiction, 3) Everyone is prettier when they are NOT orange.

I don't want to sound a like a hypocrite, because I will admit I go tanning every now and then. But by every now and then, I mean 1-4 times a YEAR. I know girls that go 1-7 times a WEEK. That is insane!

I know plenty of women with fair skin that are gorgeous, and women of all colors are beautiful, but orange is not a natural color for a human being. Please stop destroying your body, and see yourself for the beautiful woman you are without the orange, leather skin. Thank you.

What is the purpose of this Bachelor's Degree?

I understand that my Bachelor of Arts is in a random field (Gender Studies), but I am trying to figure out why any BA is practically useless in terms of all the jobs I find posted. It seems like every single job I look at either ONLY requires a High School Diploma, or a Master's Degree! So, someone please tell me... What is the purpose of earning a Bachelor's Degree? To get stuck at a job that makes less than $30K a year, unless you know someone?

To top it off, please tell me... WHY, even when I apply to jobs that only require High School Diplomas... am I STILL not getting calls back for interviews?! Unfortunately, it appears the job market is terrible for everyone, and every job posting is heavily answered, and probably only half of the responses are checked by employers, if that. The few jobs that require "only a BA" are being filled by people with Master's Degrees that also can't find work.

I want to get a Master's eventually, but it is hard to do when I'm regularly so broke, and the thought of putting myself more in debt for a job that will still not make much money (nonprofit/public policy) does not sound amazing. I am also terribly frustrated that so many nonprofit jobs require either being bilingual or having a car. Bilingual? Ok, understandable if you have a large Spanish-speaking population which you are serving. But requiring a car when you don't need to transport anyone other than yourself? COME ON. This city has public transporation for a reason, and it pisses me off so many jobs require that you own a car when it's irrelevant to the position. How am I supposed to own a car when I make so little money?! How am I supposed to buy a car when I can't find a new job that pays me enough to do so?

Sometimes I wonder... were the only purposes of going to undergrad college to party, make friends, waste money, and take a bunch of useless classes purely just as a prerequisite to grad school? This Bachelor of Arts seems to mean nothing.

The ONE

I remember I used to always think it was bull when people said, "When you find 'the one,' you'll know." It just seemed too simple, and what in life is actually simple?! My cynical self used to retaliate with, "Well, if there's a 'one' out there, and for some tragic reason you lose them, does that mean you're destined to never find love again?" I used to also argue that it just seemed too simplistic, and that love and relationships are more complicated than that, and who's to say sometimes love doesn't take time and energy to develop?

For how young I am, I've had a variety of bad relationship experiences, which is probably why I used to be so cynical. I've been cheated on, betrayed, lied to, psychologically abused, and just flat out hurt. Sometimes it's not even something "so bad," but instead someone just didn't love me back enough or give to me near what I gave to them. In those relationships where I felt like I loved the other person more than they loved me, I just always hoped one day we would be on the same level, and it hurt that it wasn't. I told myself I wasn't a needy person, so I could handle not getting as much love, time, and attention from someone as I gave to them.

I was dumb, and selling myself short. I believe I have found the ONE now, and I finally see what people are talking about when they say, "You'll just know." This relationship is very uncomplicated, but never boring. I haven't been with my boyfriend that long, but I know he's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. In the past, I said I wanted a future with this person or that person, but I could never actual envision it, and it never really seemed as appealing as it should have. But with this love, I feel like I am with my best friend, my soul's counterpart, and the male version of me. If I got tired of him, it would be like getting tired of myself! I have never been so happy or so in love, and equally loved by my partner.

So how do you "just know" when you've found the one? Well, for me, here are some of the reasons:

• I see something amazing in his eyes I've never seen in anyone else's, and I feel like they were made for me. Hey, the eyes are the key to the soul, right?
• I don't have doubts or questions, or a bunch of insecurities about how he feels about me, how I feel for him, or what will happen to us.
  
• When I think about a future with him, nothing seems scary or questionable.
  
• When he tells me he will love me for the rest of his life, I believe him.
• When I say I will love him the rest of my life, I know it's true.
• We accept each other completely for who we are, and are extremely comfortable around each other. I never have to feel insecure about him not liking one of my traits!
• I light up and have a giant stupid smile anytime I think or talk about him.
• We see the world in the same way, share the same values, and sometimes I feel like he practically reads my thoughts cause he says what I'm thinking!
• Things have fallen to place so well without us trying to force it along.
• Our feelings are mutual... no unbalance of how much attention and love we give to each other.
  

I know this post may seem super sappy, but it has been really important to me having all those not-so-great relationship experiences that taught me so much about what I DIDN'T want, then finding something that is just SO RIGHT. And as much as I try to explain this love, it still doesn't compare to what I feel! I'm a lucky woman! :)

PRECIOUS

I just finished watching the movie "Precious." Though a very intriguing and sad story, I hate to admit that it did not make me extremely emotional. Sadly, I've read several case files of abused and neglected children that could easily end up in a similar situation and have experienced a similar past. Child abuse and neglect is far too common and often goes unreported or children fall into the system that can't always help them.

No joke, you never know who you can trust. Most children who have been molested have been molested by a family member or someone assumed trustworthy by the family. I am a feminist and wholeheartedly believe in the CHOICE to stay at home OR work for a living, and I DO want to work for a living, but I can easily see myself as a stay at home mom for a few years because I don't trust people. I also intend to teach my kids general concepts about sex as soon as they understand language. Typically in molestation cases, the children sense it is wrong but don't necessarily know how so, and also may assume it must be their fault. Also, the perpetrator often threatens the life of the child and/or their family if they talk. I sure as hell want my kids to know what is NOT okay for anyone to do for them, and God forbid it did happen, they tell me ASAP so I could bring the perpetrator to justice and prevent them from victimizing others.

I did like that the movie reflected the potential for a positive outlook despite a dreary history. I'm glad there is a good and popular movie to raise awareness of the broken homes filled with child abuse and neglect.

This link serves as a great source if you want to learn more:

http://www.darkness2light.org/knowabout/statistics_2.asp

Call Me Irresponsible

I've known for a while that I suck a lot at saving money. I feel that in many respects, I am mature for my age, but nowhere reflects my 24-year old being than my financial assets, or lack thereof. A part of it is because it was not a value really taught in my family, and I'm not sure if anyone in my direct family is that financially responsible (no offense, fam) and was able to set a good example.

I think the second key ingredient to my lack of financial responsibility is that I am so into the here and now, and don't think enough about the future, or the possibility of a rainy day. Perhaps it's because I've always had the morbid mindset that I could die any moment, so while I'm here, I might as well use the money I currently have to buy cute clothes and shoes and go on charming little vacations to other places. It is not a completely unreasonable logic... What if I had $500,000 in savings right now (bwuahaha), but died tomorrow, and had no great traveling experiences to speak of?? That would just suck. I probably need to eventually find a happy medium, cause I do think it IS good to live in the here and now, but it's not great to be inconsiderate of my future self.

It definitely doesn't help that I live in an expensive city, and live by myself in a pricey neighborhood. I am not big into brands when it comes to fashion, but I have fashion ADD and my style is ever-changing, so I feel like my wardrobe needs to as well. I have this horrible food and Yelp addiction that leads me to want to try every restaurant, and eating out often gets expensive!!! I like STUFF, and I like EVENTS, and I like FRIENDS, so I go out more often now as well.

Hopefully I will financially grow up very soon. Don't bother to give me advice... I have a Mint.com account; I just don't use it. I keep track of my bank account... But hey, at least I pay my rent and bills on time, I have good credit (just no savings), and I RECOGNIZE I have a problem. That's the first step, right???

The Quantum Physics of Coolness

Life is what you make of it. I am fully aware that I haven't had the best luck throughout life, but that doesn't mean I haven't overall had a good life. I have stories for days, and I'm not sure anybody could really call me boring, if they were to classify me as anything. You wouldn't be able to recognize the good without the bad, and I believe you learn more from your bad experiences. You learn strength and perseverance, and often, you learn more about yourself, as long as you are open to the lesson.

I have a couple interesting books currently in my possession: "Only Love is Real" by Brian Weiss, M.D. (thanks, Alice!), and "Enough, Damnit! A Cynic's Guide to Finally Getting What You Want Out of Life," by Karen Salmansohn, and I think both offer interesting perspectives into your outlook on life. What I take away from both of these books is that you essentially determine how your life goes. For instance, if you regularly think negatively, then bad things will regularly happen to you because you are drawn to them because they are familiar. Think of people who complain about all the drama in their lives... Usually, they put themselves in positions that create drama, or they surround themselves with dramatic people.

I think over time, I went from being a hopeless romantic to a cynic to a realist. Tom from (500) Days of Summer totally reminds me of me, lol. I feel that my life experiences have transformed me again and again and I like who I am today. I have become a bit emotionally detached, in a way, but I actually don't think it's a bad thing. I am just not very emotional anymore and it takes me a lot to get upset, cause I've just been through too much to get upset over things that are temporary or don't jeopardize my life as a whole. I am still caring when necessary and good at being empathic (thanks, Stephanie, for teaching me that "empathetic" isn't a real word!) and understanding. Life is a giant pack of lessons and what you take out of it is determined by how open you are to learning those lessons.

Fresh start

Let's face it... I know of about 2 people that had a good year in 2009, and the rest of us were constantly pooped on by the universe. Needless to say, I could not be happier that 2009 is over. I do not know what 2010 will have to offer me, but I look forward to the possibilities and what feels like a fresh start.

The year 2009 was practically traumatizing to me. I lost two family members within a matter of 7 months. I thought this Christmas would be terrible because it was my first Christmas in years that my sister would not be with us. However, my brother moved back to Illinois and lives within half an hour of our hometown, so he was able to come home and bring all his adorable children. A year ago, I was somewhat disconnected from my family, and maybe sometimes even resented them for bringing me down. But with all the tragedy our family has faced in the past year, we have grown closer together. Even if we are sometimes dysfunctional, I have come to accept my family and have learned to love them despite their flaws and downfalls. Surprisingly, it was the best Christmas I've had in a really long time.

I want to stay much more positive this new year and I don't want to take anything for granted. This is my life and I'm living it now; I can't let it slip past me. I have made only a few simple resolutions:

1. Pick at LEAST one hobby and actually work on improving my skills (dance, guitar, singing, drawing, whichever...)
2. Allow myself more ME time.
3. Gain better control over my anxiety through the use of meditation and/or yoga at least once a week.
4. Do very little I will regret.
5. GROW.
6. Do what makes ME happy.

Adam came first, but men always do

Sexual innuendo implied.


I grew up Lutheran and had the Bible pounded into my head for a majority of my childhood. In high school, I wavered here and there about my beliefs, but I always came back to them. However, in college, I became more interested in politics, and since the November 2004 Presidential election was near the beginning of my freshman year in college, religion was a hot topic. The November 2004 election is actually what influenced me to no longer consider myself a Christian. Why, you ask? Well, there's this concept of separation of church and State that our country does not abide by, and George W. Bush abused that to the fullest.

Don't get me wrong... I do not immediately judge or dislike someone based on their beliefs. However, I do dislike when people misquote the Bible and manipulate the text to use to their advantage. People used to use the Bible as an excuse for slavery. The Bible is constantly used as reference against gay marriage today, and the Bible has always been extremely oppressive to women. Let's not forget all of the violence over religion, coined "crusades."

Keep in mind... the Bible was written by, edited by, and mistranslated by MEN, and typically men in power. Not to mention it was written a couple thousand years ago, and times have changed. King David had a man killed because that man's wife was David's mistress. Though he sinned, I don't think anyone has their doubts about whether he was forgiven and went to heaven. Yet consensual sodomy is still illegal in many places today, and many people think being gay means going to hell. People don't CHOOSE to be gay, and you mean to tell me they are punishable by God for who they are?

I am not really religious anymore... I consider myself Unitarian Universalist, leaning towards Buddhism, but I can't deny I still believe in Jesus. I just don't believe a majority of the Bible. Every religion sounds like a book a fairy tales to me, and most have similar morals to their story. I actually think Jesus was liberal, and he was also a radical, if you really consider his teachings and actions. Anything that Jesus might have frowned upon according to the 2,000 year old Bible might hold a different opinion for Jesus today.

I have always had a couple huge issues with even the beginning of the Bible. The punishment for Original Sin was for all women to experience horrible pain during childbirth and for men to work for a living. Now women do both, and men still don't pop out babies. It is quite upsetting to me. Also, if Noah and his family and his sons' wives were the only survivors of the great flood, how do you explain all the different races in the world? Anytime I ask that, people make up their own logic that has no backup from the Bible.

What is a Hate Crime?

Let me make something clear... A hate crime is not solely "white man kills black man." A hate crime is defined as: "Any of various crimes (as assault or defacement of property) when motivated by hostility to the victim as a member of a group (as one based on color, creed, gender, or sexual orientation)." There ARE different types of crime, such as hate, passion, premeditated, desperation, etc. So, no, not every crime is hateful (particularly to a whole group of people). When a crime is committed solely because of hate towards a group, it gives a reason for that whole community to fear for their lives and safety. I think we should consider EDUCATING those that commit hate crimes, not just jailing them, but it is sad everyone doesn't understand why this bill is necessary.

This is one great organization that does work towards educating the antagonists of hate crimes:
http://www.southasiannetwork.org/Programs.htm

I will also add, there will ALWAYS be some lack of understanding by those who do not fall within a group that is often stigmatized by main society. IF we didn't have a problem with racism, homophobia, etc., we wouldn't even NEED labels. I give some people credit for gaining a phenomenal understanding of groups they do not necessarily identify with and the issues they face, but FEW people bother to do so, and few people could understand what it is like unless you have personal experience.

Safe Sex 101

I always found it strange that the first question many men ask women before they sleep with them is, "How many men have you had sex with?" See, it's weird, because number of partners isn't entirely reflective of their sexual health. You can have sex with one person only, and contract 3 STIs from that one person. Or, you could have had sex with 20 people, and not have contracted one single disease or infection. The BETTER question would be, "Have you been tested recently?"

Plus, I have known people afraid to get tested because they think they will test positive for something. If you don't know about it, that doesn't mean you magically don't have anything. It is important to get tested in between every partner, or, if you have been cheated on, then sometimes while you're still with the same partner (though I advise you dump them...).

Did you know that they have done studies that show a majority of men don't even know how to put a condom on correctly? Sad, isn't it? There are certain STIs that you aren't necessarily protected from with condom use too, such as HPV. HPV can be contract from the skin around the privates, and sometimes there are no visible signs that someone has it. Unfortunately, it is even more dangerous for women since we can contract cervical cancer.

Anyway, moral of the story is, get tested regularly and be sure that your partner does as well.

Death and Dying

I remember when I was in college, all of my premed friends were taking the class "Death and Dying," and I just thought it sounded dreadful and like the most unpleasant class in the world. However, maybe I could have benefited from a class that teaches you more about loss and the aftermath of losing a loved one.

My sister passed away about 6 months ago, and I am still hurting from that. Now my grandmother is in the hospital with lung cancer, and the outlook isn't great. Maybe I was spoiled with barely experiencing deaths of anyone I knew for too long, but now I am losing two family members within half a year. It's amazing the pain that loss of loved ones leaves behind. I fear that my family will never be the same and will struggle to remain strong through these times, but I hope we can keep it together, cause we have enough dysfunction without the tragedies. In fact, the bigger tragedy might just be the pain left behind.

Lo and behold, I am trying to remain optimistic and hopeful, but sometimes, when it rains, it really f!@#ing pours. Please keep my family in your prayers, if you read this (and if you pray).

The Sexual Innuendo

You know what I love? When people constantly spew out statements that can be taken in naughty ways.

I went out to dinner with two of my best friends tonight, and I could not stop giggling due to one of my friends repeatedly saying things that could be taken the wrong way. Such as, "Yeah, it hit the spot," in an unintentionally seductive manner. Or, "That salad looks super moist," with the reply, "Yeah, I like it moist." Or, "Let me help you with that..." also in a seductive voice, and helping someone jiggle a takeaway cup in a very awkward push and pull movement. Last, but not least, from the server: "Sorry, I couldn't put the [sour] cream all on one bill, so I had to put it all on yours," with the reply, "It's ok, I'll give more for the tip."

I don't know... somehow the 3 of us were able to take these statements all in the naughtiest way possible. Perverts, or just too many sexual innuendos that we have no choice to think naughty?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Completely random thought: I was challenging my brother on why there is a KFC buffet in Indiana, because unlimited fried chicken sounds like a bad idea. He explained there were other things there, like mac and cheese and COLESLAW, and it was somehow hilarious, because I have never heard someone sound so angry while saying the word COLESLAW. My brother tends to put emphasis on weird words... Therefore, the quote of the day arose, "You know what pisses me off?!?! COLESLAW!!!"

Sex Ed 101

I personally think sex education is extraordinarily important and underrated. I think that, from a very young age, children must at least be taught what is a "good touch" or a "bad touch," because child molestation is a huge problem and it is much more common than most people think.

Courtesy of nowpublic.com:

The statistics say that one out of every three to four girls has been sexually assaulted by the age of 18. One boy out of every six will be abused by the age of 18.

Also, many children who are molested never admit to it because their life is threatened or they think it is their fault, or do not realize it is not normal. Victims of child molest often suffer from many mental illnesses throughout their lifetime, from depression to a personality disorder.

Perhaps there would be less teenage pregnancy if there were more proper sex education as well. For instance, there are MANY children/teenagers who start having sex before they are even given a sex ed intro course. Likewise, many of these youths who have sex early on do not understand that pulling out does not guarantee no baby! Most people (youths and adults) are unaware that you can still catch certain STIs even while using a condom. To top it off, many adult men do not even know how to put a condom on properly (sad, I know, but true).

A better understanding of the crossroads of homosexuality, transgender, transsexual, etc, would probably help as well, since there are so many ignorant and prejudice people in this world that turn to violence and hate. I happen to think that those men who act extremely homophobic are actually closeted homosexuals themselves. For example, those men that love UFC cause it's so masculine, when, to me, it really looks like two grown men dry humping.

It's ironic that the same people who argue against abortion and for abstinence are the same people arguing against sex education. I think proper sex education would lead to a decreased number of abortions, and hopefully those that didn't remain abstinent would at least practice safe sex.

I have no doubt in my mind that better sex education would NOT lead to more promiscuity, but would lead to wiser sexual choices by our youths, and perhaps adults as well.

The Clinically Depressed

I have so many varied thoughts on clinical depression. I have no idea whether I am pro-meds or anti-meds, because I understand that sometimes the side effects of antidepressants can cause just as many problems, such as suicidal ideations. Isn't it ironic to treat yourself with medications for depression that might lead to different kinds of depression?

But at the same time, I hate to see how many people give up on life and don't try anything productive. Would I rather my alcoholic loved ones pop antidepressants or do their typical drinking themselves stupid?

I have lost a loved one to suicide, and I wish everyday that she had seeked help. I think I sooner would have wanted her to seek help from therapy (or even me) than drugs though. I fully believe that depression is a huge problem... Those with depression or suicidal thoughts are not freaks; they are mentally ill, and many of them have been seriously traumatized.

However, I lean towards the thought that the US's tendency to constantly overmedicate just leads to the mentally ill not learning how to properly cope. Also, it seems too many people fail to recognize that physical health also reflects mental health. Quite literally, you are what you eat. If you eat healthy, your mind will be healthier as well.

This post is scattered, but I just must say, maintain a healthy life, and if you have problems, seek help!

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. (Or multiple problems)

Balloon Heaven

I decided to start a blog to vent about my opinions, passions, and pointless, random stories rather than forcing everyone to listen to them.

Why did I choose the name balloon heaven? Well, because if I were in a band, that would be the name of my band. Remember when you were a kid and held a balloon in your hand and it was the coolest thing in the world? And then, suddenly tragedy struck, and your balloon slipped out of your grip and it was lost forever in the sky above, and it was the saddest thing you could imagine. Well, as a partial optimist, I want to believe there is such a thing as a balloon heaven to put little kids' hearts at ease.

To begin, I am a feminist, I'm very liberal, I'm not very religiously affiliated, I'm of mixed racial decent, and I am a residential counselor for at-risk children. Therefore, most of my blogging will probably involve one of these topics, though maybe occasionally a pointless, random story will be included. Also, I am a Yelp.com junkie, though currently lacking internet at home, so blogging (and Yelp reviews) will be done at the same time I drink coffee at Intelligentsia.